The Case For Dysfunctional Testing

You testers, QA specialists, performance jockeys, you poor ISO 9001 efficiency experts—you’ve got it wrong. All wrong.

All this talk about functional testing. It’s a load of hooey, and you know it.

What’s the point of functional testing? You don’t want to know if your code functions.

Your designers and architects are smart, they’ve listened to the end user and created some killer UML diagrams. The UI requirements are solid. Your programmers are top of the heap. Of course it functions. It’s just plain stupid to waste time and money, and mess up your delivery schedule, with so-called functional testing.

What you want to perform is dysfunctional testing. You don’t want to know what works in your n-tier application. You want to know what doesn’t work. As that funny-looking yellow guy on The Simpsons would say, “D’oh!” And Homer ought to know, he’s a nuclear engineer. (He kinda looks like my brother-in-law Fred, only better looking.)

I know that this blinding insight may come as a surprise. But it’s not your fault. Nobody talks about dysfunctional testing. Googling for dysfunctional testing brought up 11 results. Eleven! By contrast, Googling the phrase functional testing led to 253,000 results. That’s just a crime.

It’s clear that everyone has their priorities wrong.

What do I mean by dysfunctional testing? Finding out where the code breaks. It’s just that simple. Really. Stop looking to see what works, and instead see what doesn’t work. Imagine that your million-line client/server system is 98 percent bug-free.

When you’re doing functional testing, you’re testing 100 percent of the application. That could take hours during the nightly test run. Stupid! If you just test the two percent that doesn’t work, you’ve cut the test time down to minutes.

The advantages of dysfunctional testing are all the more compelling when your organization gets higher in the quality scale. Say you’re working you’re way up the Capability Maturity Model ladder, stuck between rungs 2 and 3, and your million lines of code is 99.8 percent functional. Imagine the bottom-line benefits of testing only the 0.2 percent of the code that’s dysfunctional—that’s only 2,000 lines of code.

How hard can it be to test 2,000 lines of code, remediate the dysfunctions, and then refactor like mad to improve the runtime performance? Not hard at all. You’ll be at Six Sigma in no time, guaranteed. Take that, W. Edwards Deming!

Before you nominate me for the Malcolm Baldrige National Quality Award, let’s talk about how to actually achieve dysfunctional testing within your enterprise test/QA organizations. Believe it or not, it’s not as simple as you might think.

A key component of dysfunctional testing is something that I call “root cause analysis” — that’s a term that I’ve just made up. What you need to do is find the root cause of your software defects. In most cases, it’s easy to determine the cause: bugs. Yes, that’s it. Sometimes it might be a design flaw, but I’d put serious money on it being bugs.

There are different ways you can get rid of bugs. One way is to use a debugger. “Yes, I just got de bugger,” is something that I say a lot, ha ha! (You’ve got to have a good sense of humor if you’re working on cleaning up 2,000 lines of code before your afternoon jog.) Another way is to do a code walk through. But that can take a long time, and if you’re not good at dysfunctional testing, you might look at the wrong 2,000 lines.

That’s definitely not recommended by the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports. A better approach is to employ a number of techniques, such as overload testing — that is, you whack the code so hard that it shatters. Forensic analysis will show you where it broke.

(Don’t confuse overload testing with namby-pamby load testing, where you gradually increase the transaction load on an application server while monitoring its performance on a curve. Like, who has time for that?)

Another approach is to adopt seVere Programming, my agile methodology that applies the dysfunctional testing metaphor at the daily work level. In VP, developers work in teams of three: one writes the code, one tries to breaks the code, and the third programmer smacks the first programmer with a ruler whenever a defect is found. It’s foolproof! (If the first developer runs away, this is called the Scram methodology.)

In conclusion: Functional testing is stupid. Dysfunctional testing is smart.

The Nobel Foundation knows where to find me.

SCO Slaps Itself With Lawsuit

NEW BUSINESS MODEL SHOULD RESULT IN GAINS, LOSSES, CONFUSION

April 1, 2005 – The SCO Group is preparing to reverse its flagging fortunes by launching a Unix infringement lawsuit against itself, according to documents obtained by this reporter.

Today’s SCO Group consists of the original Caldera Group, the Unix assets purchased from Novell, and the SCO name bought from The Santa Cruz Operation. Prior to launching its lawsuits against the Linux community in 2003 — hitting companies such as AutoZone, DaimlerChrysler and IBM — Caldera was a major supporter of Linux. Indeed, in 2002 it formed a consortium with Conectiva, SuSE and TurboLinux to enhance and promote the open-source operating system.

According to confidential documents, Caldera may have inadvertently shared intellectual property it gained after the purchase of Unix with its own open-source developers. If true, that would be a violation of its own Unix license, and as such, would expose the company to legal charges and potentially huge damages.

“It’s possible,” pondered Ficus McMushroom, senior legal analyst with Guernsey, Jersey, Sark & Alderney. “If SCO’s Unix staff exchanged any information with their Linux staff, whether sitting at a conference table, on an internal bulletin board, or even while swilling beers at a bar, Unix license and intellectual property violations may have occurred.”

HAND OVER THE STICKYS

Is there a smoking gun? It’s impossible to know until the lawsuit strikes, but according to the secret report, the company is prepared to subpoena extensive documents, including e-mails, voice memos and rainbow-colored Super Sticky Post-It Notes written by SCO honcho Darl McBride.

“We’re clearly on unsteady legal ground,” observed McMushroom. “If the charges are true, the damages might run into the tens or even hundreds of millions of dollars.” Collecting those fees would significantly boost SCO’s revenue for 2005, the analyst noted, and could lead to a rise in stock price or dividend payments, as well as yet another round of restated financials.

The revenue from the suit would be offset by legal fees, and may be potentially covered by SCO’s liability insurance, McMushroom believes. Any additional costs would most likely be treated as an extraordinary charge against earnings.

But in any case, he expects SCO to come out ahead.

But will the suit see the courtroom? “Frankly, I don’t think so,” said McMushroom. “I expect SCO to settle before depositions are taken. But on the other hand, if they go through with the suit, they may set a legal precedent for the Unix lawsuits.”

SCO would not return calls about the rumored lawsuit.

Eclipse Gains Local, Interstellar Support

April 1, 2005 – The Eclipse Foundation today has announced 14 new strategic members, encompassing leading IT vendors, major technology consumers and at least one alien race.

Many of the new members will be extending existing Eclipse projects. For example, the Sesame Workshop will lead development of a new cookie-handling format for the Business Intelligence and Reporting Tools project.

“Frankly, we like working with BIRT,” smiled Ernie, the affable spokesperson for the Sesame Workshop, “because it reminds us of our friend Bert. Bert likes cookies.”

“This open-source project is sponsored by the letters A and F, and the number 5,” added Ernie.

Getting involved in the Eclipse Foundation’s infrastructure challenges are Plumbers and Steamfitters Local No. 43 and Sheet Metal Workers Local No. 16. “It takes a lot of plumbing and ducting to make enterprise computing work,” said shop steward Fergus McEwan, who will represent the unions on the foundation’s board of directors.

McEwan indicated that the two locals will host membership rallies for Eclipse developers.

“It’s time to bring the power of collective bargaining into the open-source community,” he explained, “to improve wages, working conditions and job security.”

One new member fits into its own category: Strategic Warrior. According to Commander Klotha, the Klingon Imperial Navy has pledged to preserve the honor of all Eclipse developers, committers and consumers, while also donating battle-tested source code to support two new projects.

The Eclipse Test and Performance Tools for Deployment of Disruptor Based Techniques in Combat, or ETaPTfDoDBTiC, will be used to create open-source frameworks for programming and tuning real-time system controls for high-intensity phased photonic beam emission systems. Meanwhile, the new pIqaD project will seek to port the Eclipse IDE’s user interface to become compatible with the Klingonaase script and triangular display devices used on distant Qo’noS.

The Imperial fleet also will propose a Stellar Modeling Framework project to be added to the Eclipse Modeling Framework and newly formed Graphical Editing Framework. The SMF would be incubated within the Eclipse Technology Project, and would have many applications in sixth-dimensional cartography, tachyon flux computation, warp-speed navigation and Organian peace treaty negotiations, said the commander.

“You have good software tools on this planet,” praised Klotha. “Kai Eclipse! Qapla’!”

Luxury Life-Cycle Management

April 1, 2004 — It’s been four years since the bursting of the tech bubble, and software development managers are fast approaching the time when many of our most prized developer tools will need upgrades or replacements. I speak, of course, of luxury goods, many of which were last purchased in 1998 or 1999 using vested stock options.

Clearly, our industry faces challenges in addressing consumer-product life-cycle issues, given the fact that bonuses have been slashed, current options are under water, and a daily regimen of 93-octane 24-valve engines has been replaced by the South Beach Diet.

In other words, go-go consumerism is dead, and carb-counting is the new business reality. Thus, we must carefully ponder our luxury-goods budgets with an eye toward receiving maximum value and the greatest return on investment.

Take transportation. Many of us are stuck driving vehicles that exceed 50,000 miles. To continue showing up at the office in, for example, a 1997 Land Rover Discovery or 2000 Porsche Boxster would tell top management that we’ve fallen off the CIO fast track.

So, what to buy? With an eye toward maximizing date-acquisition potential and perceived value, consider the new Mazda RX8. With a starting MSRP of US$25,180 to $26,680, you can easily afford the payments (be sure to hide the coupons), while talking up the history of the Mazda RX series and the benefits of its unique 1.3-liter rotary engine technology, which generates 238 horsepower and 159 ft.-lbs. of torque. On second thought, don’t talk about the torque on that car.

In the compact sport-utility department, the BMW X3 is a fine upstart, with an MSRP of only $30,300 to $36,300. While the fit-and-finish on those vehicles isn’t up to BMW’s usual standards, the impressive nameplate will inspire confidence in your superiors and envy in your minions.

Alas, we can’t turn back the clock. If only the economy and NASDAQ stock index were performing at early-2000 levels, those of us who prefer to ride in true comfort would enjoy the new 225-inch Maybach Type 57 (MSRP: $305,500), or even the 242-inch Maybach Type 62 (MSRP: $357,000).

Who wouldn’t love that 550-horsepower V-12 with 663 ft.-lbs. of torque? But instead, we must fall back to, say, the equally new Jaguar XJR, which at $59,830 to $75,330 is a veritable steal. Tip: Be sure to opt for the 390- horsepower 4.2-liter V-8, which offers a reasonable 399 ft.-lbs.of torque.

Now that we’ve straightened out your ride, let’s address a more timely matter — the timepiece. The dressy Movado Classic Museum that you’ve been proud of is, to be blunt, passé.

So is the Rolex Oyster Perpetual; maybe it’s not your father’s Oldsmobile, but it’s your father’s watch. More powerful brands, which demonstrate our modern consumer savvy, include Tag Heuer’s Kirium series and Breitling’s Crosswind or B-1 Professional.

If that still exceeds your options level, you can achieve great looks at minimal expense with Skagen. The downside is titanium is becoming tired, and you do find Skagen advertised in airline magazines. Still, tough times call for desperate measures, and you have my sympathies. (At least it’s better than Timex, or — shudder — Swatch.)

Jewelry is always an important style issue and remains vital, even during an economic recovery. Did you know that U.S. diamond jewelry sales in the fourth quarter of 2003 jumped by nearly 10 percent, to reach $9.27 billion? Much of this increase was due to sales of higher-ticket items. That’s right — larger rocks, better metals and more elaborate settings for both male and female software development managers. Don’t be afraid to demonstrate your financial prowess through the proper accoutrements. Hint: Go for the platinum setting, which can lead to many interesting conversations about the use of that precious metal as a catalyst for many important industrial chemical processes.

Shoes are also important fashion accessories, and while they may not make the man or woman, they certainly help us give the impressions we want.

Bear in mind the impact of outsourcing and offshoring on the ranks of middle- and upper-level software development and IT management. If someone’s job is going to get whacked, you don’t want it to be yours. No matter your budget, make sure that your foot apparel demonstrates appeal, and properly shows that you’re too successful and experienced to lay off.

Ladies, consider Robert Cavalli, Jimmy Choo or, if money is tight, Finn Comfort. Gentlemen, look at Bruno Magli or Mezlan. After all, if the shoe fits... buy it!

IETF, W3C Embrace XXXML

STANDARDS BODIES EXCITED ABOUT B-TO-A SCHEMA

April 1, 2001 — In a move that surprised no one, the Internet Engineering Task Force and World Wide Web Consortium working groups have thrown their weight behind XXXML, the business-to-adult XML metadata schema recently proposed by the adult entertainment industry.

“We’re delighted,” chirped Buffy DeJour, senior spokesmodel for the XXXML Alliance, a nonprofit trade association based in Las Vegas. “Many of the IETF and W3C committee members privately indicated their enthusiastic support for our position during one-on-one meetings. In fact, several of the voting members asked for additional private consultation, and we tried hard to accommodate their every need.”

DeJour described XXXML (pronounced Triple-X ML) as the ultimate schema for describing the products and services required for robust B-to-A commerce. “Sizes, colors, preferences—they’re all part of the specification,” she said. “We made sure to document every model, so that there could be no confusion. In many cases, we even provided pictures or home movies.”

According to DeJour, the adult entertainment industry is at the leading edge of electronic commerce. “Look at what’s driven new technologies, like the VCR and the Web: adult products! That’s where the revenues are, the demand is, the profits are. That’s what consumers need and what the industry demands. And although we simply could have released XXXML as a specification from our alliance, we’d much prefer to go the standards route. That’s healthier, and more pleasurable, for all involved.”

New Language Targets Sub-Average Programmers

MICROSOFT C-- OFFERS BASIC OBJECTS, KINDERGARTEN-LEVEL SYNTAX

April 1, 2001 — Trying to bridge the gap between its Visual Basic for Applications and C# programming languages, Microsoft Corp. today unveiled the latest member of its Visual Studio.NET family: C--, a C-like language written for sub par corporate developers.

“During the past three or four years, many businesses have been forced to hire second-rate programmers,” said Jasper “mad cow” Holstein, Microsoft’s junior product manager for C-- (pronounced C minus minus). “We’ve known for a long time that those sub-par developers can’t hack real object-oriented programming languages like C++. We tried creating an easier language for them to use, C#, which is just like Java only better. But frankly, a lot of those old COBOL and RPG programmers just don’t get it. Thus, Visual C--.”

Unveiled by Microsoft chief software architect Bill Gates during February’s magnitude 6.8 earthquake in Seattle, C-- is poised to rock the world for millions of inept programmers across the globe, said Holstein. “Ask yourself these simple questions: Can you use a mouse? Can you connect lines to circles? Can you find the semicolon on your keyboard? If you answered yes to at least two of these, then you can program in C--. Not very well, but if you were any good, you’d be using C#. Right?”

According to technical documentation provided on Microsoft’s Web site, C-- offers developmentally challenged programmers several benefits over C# or Visual Basic: simplicity, in that the only punctuation mark used is the semicolon and the IDE accepts only upper-case letters; fiscally responsible object orientation without an inheritance tax; type safety, in that the integrated development environment includes a spell checker; scalability, in that programmers can run their software on either notebook or desktop PCs; and version control, because C-- programs run only on the latest version of Windows.

“The goal is to balance productivity and simplicity,” said Holstein. “Since corporations realize that their bottom-tier coders aren’t very productive anyway, C-- will help them do simple things. In our benchmarks, trained C-- programmers can create a ‘Hello, World’ program with only 150 lines of code, and can have it running in less than an hour. Those same programmers took nearly three days to perform that same task using C#, and most never got the C++ version of ‘Hello, World’ working even after a couple of weeks.”

Microsoft will be releasing the beta of Visual C--.NET on April 1, according to Holstein. Sun Microsystems Inc. chairman Scott McNealy, after watching the C-- introduction on CNN, hinted that his company had also been developing a watered-down programming language, code-named “AuLait,” and that it and the J2WE (Java 2 Weak Edition) should be ready for public consumption by this year’s JavaOne conference.

Xenix Returns!

MICROSOFT EMBRACES, EXTENDS OPEN-SOURCE MOVEMENT

April 1, 2000 — In a dramatic change in direction, industry giant Microsoft Corp. today has publicly pledged to embrace the open-source software movement. Unveiling the company’s new Linux initiatives, president Steve Ballmer decreed, “The days of proprietary solutions are over.”

Sharing a stage with GNU Project founder Richard Stallman at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Ballmer announced that the company will be releasing its Windows 2000 operating system as open source, subject to the GNU Public License. “We made this decision last summer,” said a company spokesman.

Under the terms of the new Windows license, software discs for Windows 2000 Professional and Server will be available for US$35 for executable code only, and $70 for a two-disc set containing source code. Following usual open-source community practice, support will not be included in the package. Customers wishing support can subscribe to a support contract.

Ballmer also demonstrated the company’s forthcoming Microsoft Office 2000 and Visual Studio 7 for Linux. “Many of our developers are Linux enthusiasts,” he disclosed.

“They’ve been running Linux on their development stations for two years. Not only is Windows 2000 itself written in Visual J++,” he said, “but we’ve also created native Linux versions of Office and Visual Studio for in-house-use,” said Ballmer, adding, “Now’s the time to release those products into the mainstream.”

Also announced on April 1 was that the forthcoming Windows Millennium Edition (Windows ME) is actually based on the Linux kernel, with DOS, Win16 and Win32 compatibility layers and a port of the Windows Explorer user interface.

“We’ll be releasing the Windows compatibility source code for all major Linux and Unix ports,” said Ballmer, singling out Sun’s Solaris as the next target for Microsoft’s full line of business software. “Look for our own branded version of Linux to be released next year as a separate product,” he added, hinting, “Now’s the time to bring back the Xenix brand,” referring to Microsoft’s version of Unix, available in the late 1980s.